lengthy and somewhat emo. GO LOOK AT PICS ON PREVIOUS POSTS!!

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion
Is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights, Almost left behind.
Suitcases of memories,
Time after -

Sometimes you picture me,
I'm walking too far ahead.
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said.
Then you say - go slow -I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If youre lost, you can look, and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, Ill be waiting
Time after time (x2)

After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows, youre wondering, If Im ok
Secrets stolen, from deep inside
The drum beats out of time
--

go take a listen, cyndi lauper and sarah mclachlan - time after time. loves the lyrics. somehow listenin to this song brings back tonnes of memories.

do you guys experience this sorta deja vu feeling when u chance upon songs that u once listened to all day during a particular period of time? i always do.. sometimes fall out boy, or even this song, reminds me of netball season.. cus thats when i always tune in to my mp3s. oh, and super oldies remind me of childhood times.. like sudden flashbacks. haiya. it's just those indescribeable feelings. even while lookin thru em 07 KL training trip pics the other day, (it was in the same disc as the perth one) i felt like ive gone back in time.. it was quite an enjoyable and meaningful trip. like ive said it feels different to go on a training trip as a team compared to being a senior just helping out. u're more bonded when ure actually 100% involved.

haha.. anw, thinks i've spent alot of time and effort on netball during jc.. and even now still - i do go back quite frequently these days. but the weird thing is that i never really did excel in it. sometimes u wonder if it's worth it.. majialin certainly didnt. her harsh words of "u come to school to play netball or to study?!" will forever sound in my head. HAHA. hilarious la she.. but back to the point.. seeing the current situation now kinda reminds me of the way i felt last time.. i duno.

i dun think ive let anyone in on this other than tash, but even then i wasnt very explicit. cus i honestly didnt know how i felt exactly at that point in time, and i din wanna mess with feelings. it was too much of a risk. but as time goes by u learn to accept things i guess.. but i doubt anyone who hasnt gone thru what i did has a clue as to how it feels like not being one of the 'main characters'. ya u can harp on the fact that yeahhh we are still a team and everyone is important or that there is NO MAIN 7 (which i think is utter nonsense btw), but to me that's so euphemistic. sometimes i dun even know how i should respond to such statements.. like gahh. easy for you to say.

they dun really know that for us, once the moment is over.. it really is, and there'll never be another season as a senior anymore - it's supposed to be all about u, its supposed to be your year.. and when people retell the story of how hard aj fought in the hwachong match last year.. i can only describe how i SAW the tremendous effort being put in but not gush excitedly about how i've PUT IN that tremendous effort, i was outside watching it all happen. it makes a world of difference doesnt it.

but come to think of it, whose fault is it but my own, for the lack of skills? tho sometimes i just cant figure out why the sacrifices and hardwork dont pay off. but in the end, not everything can be compensated by sheer hardwork. u need competency. and more importantly u need confidence, so that u can perform to ur best abilities.

oh no i think i sound quite bitter in saying all these but im not la.. no hard feelings yeah. dont worry fellow netballers i do not regret joining u all, maybe just for the lack of consistency on my part. fact is the team is one of the most important things that happened to me and i treasure it. sigh.. for now, i just hope that noone has to ever feel like they're not important. dun overthink, just give in ur all.. dont ponder over what could've been, but focus on what will be as a result of ur hardwork and ur courage to try.

and i regret not treasuring the jc times, as well as the people, more. HAHA. weirddd.. not emo but just saying.. sigh, 2 years flew by just like that. one second we're like some uncool newbies in school and the next, poof. we've graduated (with flying colours i might add LOL).

mmm. time will never go back again. once the feeling's misplaced, it's hard to recover em. like now, everyone's moving on with their lives... with the arrival of new people u discard the old ones that were once everything in ur life.. or maybe there is always something of higher priority for you to handle.. sigh.. sometimes there is really a need to just stop taking people for granted, lest you end up losing those who genuinely care for ya. it's just one of those things that take years to build but just seconds to destroy.

lalala. such a stupid post again.. zz. perhaps nighttime gets the emo juices working more than creative ones. ohwell.. but anw, before i go snooze (work tmr again zz), just wanna announce that i got accepted by ntu into a very un-kit course (accountancy).. haha. time to engage in some office war next time! climb that corporate ladder.. to the top..! lol..

and and...! oohh. i found my new fav student. *gushes* he's smart and cute! hearts.. p5.. am pretty sure he'll perform super well for all his tests! haha. and i still detest the sec 1 class. ughhhh. they make me feel like such a fool la.. zz.. ohwell. shall keep all the curses to myself. hehs..

rahhhh. ok if u have gotten this far and have not seen the pics in my previous posts, pls check em out!! its definitely worth a look esp since ive put in so much time and effort in uploading em.. all that hair pulling, computer kicking and cursing of blogger took so much outta me! haha.

toodles~