tiger lily.

why dont we hit restart, and pause it at our favourite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
--

good morning, it's 0136 hrs and im still up. not very energetic tho. am supposed to be sleeping but due to last min cancellation on the welcome ceremony i just thought i'd stay up abit longer. i have no idea why i chose staying up over sleeping tho, afterall i really am quite tired.

haha oh yes i ran the whole of yew tee today. ok maybe not everything but the basic outline of yewtee. lol, so happy. it must have taken me about 45mins or so. not a bad achievement. i miss exercising.

hmmm, anw, had a self-scaring session with shan just now, in which we explored our ntu accounts like edventure and all.. LOL gosh we have to print our own notes now. and trust me when i say it's ALOT. that's so sad. flashes of jc memories (with the ivle thingy) are coming back now, but it is much simpler last time i think. ivle to me, is not something i'd explore very often. haha. i really dun look forward to the studying part in uni. if only it's all play and no work. that's every lil kid's dream, no? but then again... that's if only.

sigh.. i realise it's so hard to keep this blog going, i find myself typing and then backspacing my thoughts repeatedly and it's back to square one. it's so personal i cant bring myself to say it out loud. maybe someone should blog on my behalf. lol. my password's still the same...for those who know. *winks*. lol. self amusement. perhaps i should just do daily recounts or something. less work on the brain, considering how boring my days are.

random random, but im missing so many people right now. tho im starting to get used to a solitary life (HAHA omg, i really shouldnt... time to socialise), i still wish there were someone to go crazy with.. hopefully i'll find someone soon. ok that sounded quite desperate. hehs. goodnight all.

castovia 08.

hola. am finally back from ntu cac foc. haha, what a mouthful. whoa, what can i say, it's been a long and tiring event-filled 5.5 days and yet at the same time, fun and memorable too. im glad i joined the camp. the seniors were really cool and funny.. very sporting!!

well... its good to let loose once in awhile. and do things that i normally would not for fear of being unglam. esp that SP night where we played dirty games. i'd bet the seniors had fun watching us humiliate ourselves.. haha! cant really rmb what we did, but there were lots of singing. lol. thank god we were blindfolded.

and ya i think i am super zai to have been spared from all that forfeits during 5.5 days of games. HAHA. i rock at those games. :D

but now it still feels a tad weird that orientation's over. no more late night queues to use the bathroom, nor are there any games to play in the wee hours of the morning. no more rah rah people cheering while my group's slacking around. it's just.... weird. haha. ohwells, my group ayden is the best and the most relaxed group around i must say. and yet we win all the time. HAHAHA. oops. i guess it really is true that slow and steady wins the game. it's fun to see others rushing like mad during the amazing race while we are slowly taking pictures and sightseeing, and still not get last. HAHA. plus we won the skit without any proper rehearsals. hilarious.. ((:

ok fine i sounded so proud. lallaala. cant wait for an ayden outing! loves.

mmms, one more week till school starts. im quite excited over it actually. i welcome some changes in my life. sigh.. i think it will help me get my mind off certain things quite effectively. hopefully it does yea?

zzzz i cant seem to download sweet child o' mine by guns n roses. heard it in the club the other night and i just felt like listening to it over again. it's really a classic man, awesome. if anyone has it please send it to me!

i still feel quite exhausted. i think i need a break. from everything.

away.

and in this crazy life, and through this crazy times.
it's you, it's you, you make me sing
youre every line, youre every word, youre everything.
--

morning. 0111hrs and im wide awake. dun think i'll be able to fall asleep anytime soon cus of my stupid afternoon nap. knew it was a big mistake to sleep and a bigger one to forgo my evening jog cus i was too lazy. rahhh.. i suppose it'll be back to haunt me. i should be more motivated to shed some of this annoying holiday weight.

and there's work tmr. hopefully i'll be able to get off abit earlier so i wont have to rush to boon lay. sigh.. gonna be a long week ahead. just finished packing for the camp. it definitely feels like im moving house or sth. there's so many things to bring!!! i prolly overpacked but in the words of mythbusters, if its something worth doing, it's worth overdoing.

my shoulder is killing me la... not just the burns from the blazing sun the other day at sentosa (which i realised i din really mention).. but yeah, the normal aches. i hate it.

ok shall go will be back in a week's time.

bored

hola~ am so bored now ive decided to come back to the com. lol. i really hope i wont lose my eyes tho.. been drama-ing all week, i'd say it certainly spells abit of trouble for my eyesight? so sad

mmm.. finished up with liar game. it's a good show.. very smart. in fact i find it so complicated i had to go great lengths to understanding their strategies. maybe it's just me.. i duno. haha. but in any case, i didnt really like the ending cus it seemed so politically correct to me. and seriously, the honest/very nice lead girl annoys me to no end. WHY SO SILLY?!! yes it is good to be honest but i dont think anyone is THAT noble. i want to strangle her and scream "WHY SO SILLY" in her face everytime she makes a dumb move.

haha.. but it's just a show so i shant get too serious. just enjoy the show and trust me, i was really impressed by the guy's intelligence!!!! SO SMART and way cool. ((: omg.. we have same personalities. HAHA. dun faint please.

lala.. anws, tmr's the nbs camp alr.. rahhh alllllmost managed to get in luh. but too bad, luck was not on my side again. was damn elated upon receiving the call ytd frm whom i'll now call, mr zhuang. hahaha. hilarious guy. he totally entertained me with his accent. but after all that hassle it was still not meant to be. haiya, nvm luh, would have ranted a lil bout the protocol the management chose to follow but what good does it do? shant dwell on it anymore, hopes that the campers will have fun! and that the rest of us (more than 50% of the nbs students) will get to make friends in time to come/enjoy in our own way! on the bright side, at least i wont have to go for back to back camps now. heh..

and oh anw i earned a lunch from the ogl.. lol, i think he felt and sounded really guilty that he couldnt get me that place that was literally within our grasp and staring in my face. but honestly, i dun see why he should feel bad, considering how he tried to help me and it wasnt his fault anw to begin with.. hees. hmmm, tho they would never chance upon this, i'd REALLY wanna thank him and esssssppeccccially mr zhuang (lol he still cracks me up) for everything. i look forward to my lunch when school starts!!

yawnss.. am so bored. ah yea.. wanted to say im really not feeling all that great bout my tuition job now. sigh. for now, i'll just have to decide if i should be an irresponsible person to leave my boss at this time where the centre is quite short-handed as it is, or continue to be an irresponsible teacher who can't provide the best for the students. either way, i'll be in the bad light. i need help. rahhh..

wish i could talk to you bout this. or for that matter, somebody.. anybody. but i dun really like to do so cus it's either i'd just get reassuring answers that is not what i need, or i'd get none at all. where's my pillar of support!

feeling artistic again

lol. haha, yes, back to piano-ing again, whats new huh.. lol. i am currently trying to learn the final fantasy song on my lousy keyboard (as usual, not enough keys) but it's kinda choppy. cant play it continuously cus i have to keep adjusting, it's annoying really. anw my progress isnt too bad i must say! prolly cus i havent reached the ultra-coordination-madness part yet. zz. ok that sounded weird, i think my standard of english is deteriorating HELP!

but anws i realised that i havent been really focused in the stuff i do. since young i guess, it's a really bad habit. i dun like to do repetitive things so that's why i dun like to practise in things that i'm learning, or whatever. more often that not, i'll be very enthusiastic for the first few days and then abandon the whole idea altogether after awhile cus im so sick of it.

haha, that explains the increasingly evident lack of entries in my blog eh? lol.. ok fine, it's partly cus of my extraordinarily boring life i lead... nvm. hmm, i know it's a little early (or late) to say this, but for my new year resolution, i aim to have SUSTAINABLE interest. lol.. tho i must say, "it (the thought) comes and goes i wouldnt trust it", as quoted from joey. HAHA. loves friends still!!!

okay so im kinda happy today, not very sure why. probably cus things havent been too well for me these couple of weeks but i can feel that it has taken a turn for the better. hopefully i wont jinx myself by saying it out loud tho. or maybe it's cus i did something nice today! helped an old lady (ok actually not very old, but she had difficulties walking i guess) off the bus! tho at first i was quite annoyed cus i was in abit of a rush and she was directly in front of me , blocking the whole door while trying very hard to get off the bus. yeah i know, so mean right. i should be kinder ):

but anws she finally gave up and let me get off first and so i did. woulda walked off alr but i decided i should help. i just asked if she needed help and extended my arm to help support her. she kept thanking me (: yeah i know it's just a small gesture but still it felt kinda nice, havent done any good deeds in awhile.

and oh ya something i've been meaning to say for quite a long time after watching this show about religion awhile back. the stuff they say is kinda different to what im gonna say because if i were to state my opinion on it, i'd probably get sued or sth. it is afterall, a very sensitive issue. mmm, but back to the point, i was thinking on the train today about how i dun really believe i have a religion although i declare that im a buddhist. well, i've never come off as a religious person and i dun think i'll ever be one.

but despite that, i think i finally understand why there are people who devote their lives to religion. i finally believe in the points that i had written for my gp essays (LOL) that it does provide comfort and solace to people in trying times. cus when there's nth much u can do to improve the situation, pray, cus there's nothing to lose in doing so. sigh i duno la, it's really complex... i do pray sometimes and it helped... but at the end of the day, it's kinda all in the mind, no?

okay not sure why i droned on bout the topic.. was kinda random. hmmm. what else, oh ya anw there was this super donkz promoter at guardian who tried to promote this facial cleanser stuff to me. being nice, i just listened to her while trying to find an appropriate time to stop her. but she didnt... for quite awhile. when she stopped talking finally she helped me pick a bunch of stuff which would very likely come up to at least 100 bucks. she wanted me to buy, but i was like "no.. another day la probably, i dun have enough cash". haha. so mean again.

but what i didnt like was her comment: "huh... u dunwanna buy ah, then i shouldnt have said so much". like WTH. first of all, it's really not professional for this kinda statement to come out of a promoter's mouth. and secondly, i didnt go looking for her, i was at this corner wayyyyy outta her section looking for some other stuff and she pulled me away to look at her products. so really... did she really expect i was gonna buy em on the spot without knowing if it's a trustworthy product. crazy. and she sorta kept forcing me to buy cus she found out i was meeting someone. "ask ur friend to lend you some money first la...", she said. -_-

seriously, if the products were as effective and fast-selling as she described then why the desperate attempt at getting me to buy? stupid woman, really.

woahhh, this looks like a long entry. havent had so much to say in a long time. and i havent done recounting entries in so long.. ohwell, it's all good. hmmmm anw school's starting reaaaally soon and i've yet to accomplish some stuff i had intended to. hopefully i will in time. and oh, will be going for the cac camp.. haha. kinda bummed that i didnt make it to the NBS one but i heard that it was really maxed out, even my sis's friend couldnt help me (almost did tho). but i really appreciate his help. ((: in any case, hopes it'll be fun!

yawns.. think i shall stop here for now and maybe watch "liar game" as recommended by joyce. lol. seeya'll in abit.

sleeping child

Oh my sleeping child, the world's so wild
But you've build your own paradise
That's one reason why I'll cover you sleeping child
--

listening to this song brought back quite abit of memories from primary school. i can still remember how my vice principal taught us this song during morning assembly, and going through the lyrics, which i found really meaningful. i especially liked the part where it says, "if all the people around the world, they had a mind like yours. there'd be no fighting, and no wars, there'll be lasting peace on earth." so true eh, there's no innocence like that of a child's.

anw, im feeling abit better and at peace at this moment so i am aiming for a longer, and hopefully livelier post. but still, i think i'll be needing more squash sessions to take out my frustrations. tho seriously, im aching all over now. and quite bruised. let's count the number of blue-blacks i incurred during the past 2 days : 1 big one on left thigh, 2 on the left knee, 1 on shin, 1 on hip, 1 on the back of my left hand (coupled with a few scratches). haha. all thanks to my very powerful racket and bad aiming, with the exception of the hip injury which was caused by a knock against the stupid doorknob. RAH.

yawns.. kinda tired. been watchin dramas today. finally managed to catch up on episodes of absolute boyfriend. HAHA. interesting. and caught some random hk drama too. a lil weird but i like hk dramas alot. and it turns out that im not very good at cantonese actually, cus i had to rely heavily on the subtitles. well... maybe i should brush up on my language then.

man my shoulder is really killing me. i need to get it fixed pronto. looks like the trusty sinseh din help the other time.. gahhh. so uncomfortable. ok i just found out actually i had nothing much to say. should get going soon. tired... been losing quite a fair bit of sleep lately. rahhhhh. tas~.

(edit 7.22pm 3/7)

am here to take a breather after drama-ing for almost 6hours. haha, it seems that it's a very popular activity for quite a number of us these days. only difference is that im indulging in jap dramas instead of taiwanese. in a few minutes time i would have completed "absolute boyfriend". a very cute show, somewhat draggy in the middle... BUT nothing a hottie cant cure. hees. interesting.

tho i'd have to say im a lil overwhelmed with unexplanable sadness towards the end. LOL. weird. ohwells.. shall just go on to complete it now then. and think of new ones to watch. ciaos..

the difference in you and i

i need reassurance. i guess i'd need a long chat with you, i really do.

been playing squash for 2 consecutive days and im starting to ache. am not very good at it currently cus i kept getting thrashed.. RAHH. needs to work on my drives and strokes. basically hitting the spots i intend.

ok, finally a break from work (again). school's gonna start soon. am i getting the pre-school jitters again? i duno... but i really hope it's gonna be fun. should i stay in hostel???? i guess i shouldnt miss this opportunity but it's kinda troublesome. in any case, i gotta come up with a decision soon cus application's closing.

okay, gonna be taking over the p2s and sec4s soon. wish me luck! but i think they're quite likeable and not-so-havoc. hopes i wont mess things up.

im not really sure what to say now. i just need time to think.