go the distance

I have often dreamed of a far off place,
Where a heros welcome would be waiting for me.
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face,
And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance.
I will find my way if I can be strong.
I know every mile would be worth my while,
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong.

Down an unknown road to embrace my fate,
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you.
And a thousand years would be worth the wait.
It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through
--

for anyone who needs motivation, read the lyrics, or better yet listen to the song!! it is good stuff. i know.. a super oldie, but it truly is wonderful and inspiring. nuff said, let the words speak for emself.

anw, am so happy i finally found someone to go to choir concert with! lol.. apparently it's soldout, and they had to get esplanade to release more seats. tho i doubt those will have any hint of a good view. :S but yeh, zk managed to get some tix for me from people who were selling the tix (still cant figure out why they bought and then sell em without hiking price. LOL not complaining), and according to him it's still not too bad. so yay. haha.. and and, he told me HE IS the encore performance. i think he was pretty offended when i told him i couldn't tell if he was joking.. lol.. oops. tsk, least i didn't laugh in his face, and i guess it shows some level of belief in him, no? we'll see we'll see. can't wait. lol.

mmm, 1 week of my break has passed... and i dun think i've spent them very fruitfully. gahh. basically my day revolves around tv, sleep, youtube, typing worksheets, occasional phonecalls, and very surprisingly, EXERCISE!!! hahha. am so proud of myself for attempting to get back in shape, well i dun see the effects yet but soon i will if i keep going! beams.

zz. so bored. it's a saturday afternoon and noone's online. and i realise there is a drastic decrease in my msn contacts on weekdays since the guys went to army. man, the transition stage is really apparent now huh. we are moving on to a new phase of our lives. and i cant wait for mine to begin (i.e. university). so far my life's been really stagnant and im not so much a fan of it now.

man, but what next after university? i think it's pretty scary to be totally independent and not have ur parents fend for you, especially after 18 years of em doing so. ok fine maybe it's not to everyone, but it is for me. lol. i know it's so loser but then increasingly im receiving government letters (cpf etc) and sometimes i have no idea what to do with them. do i reply or what? it turns out i have to but i didnt. hahaha. then i imagine, next time i'll have bills coming my way, on top of all the work i gotta handle, and what about family life? it sure is daunting. *shudders*

well.. i guess i'll figure that out in time to come, but for now, i still have another 3 or 4 years of studying to go through. so yeah. lol. approximately 2.5 months more of vacation to go, i'd better start living my life now. but it's so hard to do so when noone's here to enjoy with me. ): ah well.. nvm.

on another note, caught the finale of survivor ytd. mm, it was somehow a lil... lacklustre? as in i think the crafty women ran out of brilliant ideas to stab each other. haha. or did they honestly not wanna do so, i wouldnt know. there was a lack of drama, even during the final tribal council with the jury. but i guess overall it was still a good season. it's definitely put survivor back to the must-watch list of shows. hopefully the next season will be just as dramatic and scheming, cus i wanna learn a few tricks of being cunning and ruthless. HAHA.

bored. wordy. it's time to par-tay!

dreaming out loud.

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...
--

the days without work are boring as hell.. but im not complaining. lol. least i dun have to use my voice so much. am finally recovering from my sore-throat-turned-flu illness, thank god. lol. nth much is going on. been working on my science worksheets all day. hope i dont go blind from all that computer staring.

and know what? kids at PRIMARY 5 are actually learning about dominant and recessive genes! GAWD. it's crazy... i only started learning that when i was sec 3 or 4 luh. and then further in jc. now it's pushed down to primary school syllabus?!! well, i'd guess it isnt too difficult to understand but still... it may be a tad complicated for a poor pschool kid. i feel for you all, little ones.. hehe.

so what next, will MOE be bombing little kids with trigo and maybe dna replication in no time? lol.. i guess i wouldnt be surprised if that really happens. cus kids these days are smart. with that level of literacy singapore has.... u gotta drill them with really mind boggling topics to sift the As from the Bs. im just thankful i wont be reading something that is way outta my league at such young age. beams....

that said, i really really really miss biology, and i dunno why. HAHA. its shocking, i thought i'll miss math and chem more. cus i was never really good at bio. but with all that sciencey tv programmes i watch.. and the stupid worksheets i have to type (there is like no chemistry involved in pri sch science i duno why), i cant help reminiscing bout bacteria, viruses, genetics and all that DNA stuff! HAHA. weird weird weird. im so nerdy... mmm.

maybe one of these days i'll dig the notes and read em just for fun. hahaha. abit crazy but.. ohwell. i lead an extraordinarily boring life. :S i miss JC life! never thought i'd say this but i should know better. (:

anw, for the first time in my life, i fell aslp in the theatre. watchin ironman. LOL. gosh... can't believe it. and it's not as if the show is boring or sth. but i was so tired from work (long story, OT for almost 3 hours cus of this long operation on the guy with a stubborn root lol) that sunday i just couldnt keep my eyes open. dun think i missed alot tho, felt pretty awake after my 10 to 15 min shuteye. hehe. power nap.

mmmmmm. guess i should go now.. tho i duno where to. and what to do. zz. but i gotta rest em eyes i guess.

HMMM. hope i get to dine with u sometime soon. 's been so long..

toodles.

feelin like crap.

i had a really great day ytd havin buffet and going for mother's day shoppin with lun which i was so gonna blog about....

but i woke up feelin like crap so im not gonna. prolly another day. sorry lun ): u can have the honours okie...

so the highlights of the first half of today:

1. i have the worst sore throat ever and im feelin weak from the meds.
2. i feel like the world had just fallen on me.

stupid. am i THAT dispensable. so ure gonna treat me like rubbish . ahhhhhhh fine. u're the world's biggest ass. and im the world's biggest idiot. why do i always choose to be the latter when i can be the former. i dun even know why im still trying after all this time. PISSED OFF. and dissapointed at the same time.

gahhhh. so this is what death feels like. i need my strepsils. i need my sleep.

somewhere over the rainbow.

so where do you go?

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.

There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

--

i predict that this will be a really long entry.. hopefully not a dry one tho. *crosses fingers*

i guess there'd be a thunderstorm coming a lil later.. awesome stuff. i love the rain when im not out. LOL. but i think my mood will be somewhat affected by the looming storm (haha).. well, let's hope not for the worse yeah. am feelin a lil weird now.. and a throbbing headache does not compliment this sorta weird mood.

but i had a great day today.. played squash with shirong in the afternoon today. donkz, my boss loaned us a REALLY oldschool racket. the face of the racket is like half the size of current ones.. and it's so ugly.. HAHA. we kept laughing at it.. tho he said that only those who have standard will use it. hurhur. indeed. it was quite hard to hit. u guys should check it out.. it's really ANCIENT.

well, i just returned home from a buffet at Ritz Carlton Hotel. boss' treat for the tutors.. yeah i know, he's really generous right?! but anw, it's non-stop-laughter with him around.. cus the comments he makes are really hilarious and i would say, something we could relate to, i.e uniquely singaporean. haha. i guess that's another story for another day, no? but the part he mentioned about foreigners not being able to understand the singaporean slang is something that really stands out. he was telling us a story that goes sth like:

foreigner: so what is the brand of the car that you drive?

boss: mercedes (pronounced the typical singaporean way, mer-ser-dis)

foreigner: ????? oh? what's that?

boss: huh?! u dont know mercedes? *goes on to describe the logo of mercedes* (there.. the circle with triangles that one!! OMG LOL)

foreigner: oooohhhhh. mercedes (pronounced mer-seh-diz) eh?

and another situation,

singaporean: do you sell bananas? (ba-nah-nahs)

foreigner: ????? ohhhhh, u mean bananas? (ba-neh-nahs)

****

boss: imagine slanging in the non-singaporean way to a singaporean fruit seller.

shirong and i: *burst out laughing*

HAHA.. the way he said it was a hundred times more amusing than this.. and tho it might seem like a light-hearted joke, in the midst of all that humour, there's something worth noting - that is, you can never be complacent with your language. maybe it isnt very obvious in the singaporean context - sure, u may have the ability blow people's mind away with your bombastic words or your accent. but dont forget, more often than not, you are conversing with people who have been exposed to your culture for at least half, if not all of their lifetime. they are used to such intonation. so, as long as you do not use excessive singlish, or have near perfect grammar.. or even merely talking in a pleasant way, u will pass off as someone being above the average.

however, it's a totally different ball game when you try to communicate with people who have no idea what singaporean culture is like. for me, i can honestly say that i've never really doubted my standard of english, cus it's a medium for conversation since school started, and even more so in my last 2 years of jc. so i was kinda shocked when the aussies had to get me to repeat my sentence 2 or 3 times to catch what i was saying..

so in my opinion, while it is perfectly fine to engage ur daily chats with the use of singlish, one must learn how to switch back to standard english if need be. keep the 'lors' and the 'lahs' to yourself, it does not add meaning to the statement. to some, speaking perfect english might be an attempt in trying to act classy or being pretentious. but for me, it's just a lifeskill one ought to learn - both for communicative purposes and simply cus you should speak a language it's meant to be used.

hmm. then throughout the course of our dinner, my boss brought up some other issues which were really thought provoking, while others just drop dead funny. HAHA. he should be a comedian. honestly. lol. then he told us that he encourages us to go for fortune telling.. cus it's really accurate. i guess it would be kinda interesting, and in a way, it would probably give us a sense of control or security to have some knowledge of your future. but what if u find out that ur odds are less than favourable. would it depress you so much that it takes away ur confidence, causing everything to spiral into nothingness? would the failures then be considered a result of a self fufilling prophecy?

so anw anw, realised i havent commented anything on the food and ambience. well, of course the ambience is fantastic, it's a six star hotel.. everything is really grand, even the washrooms! oh my.. haha. but then i think the variety of food isnt really there. they're nice, but i want more! HAHA. oops. but it was an eyeopener for me to say the least.. haha.

yawns.. am feelin pretty tired now. an hour has passed but the weather is still.. non-rainy. gahh. guess i wont be able to sleep in paradise tonight. HAHA. 's alright ba.. it's just as well. mmmm.. shall go off now i guess. bored.. haha. yawnnss.. ciao~

it sucks that i'm finding it so hard to talk to you these days. just what on earth happened?

long distance melody

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend.
somewhere along in the bitterness and
i wouldve stayed up, with you all night.
had i known, how to save a life.
--

im not sure who's actually reading (by reading i mean getting thru every word however lengthy the post is. not read the first line, tag, and go.) this boring blog of mine, but whoever does, i thank you for hearing what i have to say about.. nothing at all. HAHA. very often i tend to make a mountain out of a molehill, but i dun like to say superficial things so ya.. i mean, recounting daily happenings is not my style unless something outta the ordinary happens, cus it's really dull to me - i'll prolly bore the wits outa myself and then the readers. it takes skill to make such entries lively and entertaining. so i'll leave that to the experts. haha. for me.. i prefer to just speak my mind, verbalise em thoughts. that's how my blog url came about anws.

but of late i cant seem to find anything to say.. my mind's abit disoriented. lol. i guess when one writes with an audience in mind, it's that much harder. in words of ross, "it must be the pressure of entertainment". LOL. but well, i'll try..

i think im officially showing outward signs of favouritism. LOL. i scolded the class of girls today.. and i kinda caught myself by surprise too to say the least. haha, if the boys were there i might not have snapped.. cus i laugh at their sillyness and their booming voices would have drowned my voice anw.

well, i suppose i've yet to master the art of being a good teacher. i mean, i believe i am nice and all... which is why im having such a hard time controlling the class. being a good teacher doesnt mean having the ability to teach very well per se. afterall, whats the use of teaching when noone's listening, the only thing you'll come close to educating is the air, but very sadly not so much either. you gotta be able to win the respect of students and also discipline them at the correct times.. sigh.. it's time for me to unleash the fury.. haha. sounds scary.. but i havent scolded anyone in awhile.. ;p

so thinking back now, i feel quite guilty for being an ass to some of my teachers. i guess i've never really put myself in their positions. but this only goes to show how selfish people are - the first thing you think about is ur own benefits. as a student, you feel outraged that an incompetent teacher might potentially ruin ur studies, you want a better teacher. similarly, as a teacher, you want better students. what a silly cycle. lol.

so anw, last day of work tmr and then i have my 3 week break from tuition. chuckles. i guess it would be kinda nice to slack for awhile, tho things might get pretty dry, and even more boring than now.. zz. faints. i guess i could deal with that.. please go out with me! HAHA.

not anymore

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay
--

empty apartment by yellowcard. realise all im listening to are the really oldschool songs. lol. but somehow, i think the older songs have more meaning. it's quite evident really, if you compare the trashy songs these days and the soothing songs from the past. or even works of the same artistes over the years - you'll find that their standards deteriorate. not a pretty sight. and very bad for the ears.. haha.

so im feelin pretty silly now. looks like ive been waiting for nth all this time. congratulations, the topic has been averted oh-so-skilfully. the indifference. i didnt get any answer at all. but ohwell, the absence of evidence is not an implication of evidence of absence, perhaps the lack of answer IS an answer in itself. and it speaks so much louder. sigh. forget it. there wont be anything anymore. let's go back to being superficial.

hmm, nth much to blog about. cept for the meetup with the clique (joyce jiayi and yanling) ytd. was fun.. had a really sumptuous dinner. tho it's never enough for me.. haha. am horrified by my appetite. ohwell. anw, i sorta regretted not eating the ramen. hmph. i forgot how good it tasted. ramen at ajisen, or ajitei in our case, is ZE BEST. the soup is finger lickin good.. chucks my unagi thingy away. lol. but yeah, that aside, it was good catchin up a lil with em after sooo long. pics on joyce's or yl's blog. abit lazy to steal em. haha.

am currently struggling to think of what to blog right now. zz. i really think i have some form of memory disfunction. just a moment ago i had stuff to say, but the next, they're all gone. haha. boo. and anw i think my entries sound so repetitive.. but my life is as such. soo... yawns. haha. i am very hungry now.. it's late in the night but i wont let it bother me. LOL. gonna go food hunting later.. tho i think my house has nothing for me to feast on. so sad.

yawns.. i think i shall watch some friends. again. haha. the best sitcom ever. loves em witty jokes. ((:

driving at 3am

You used to talk to me like I was the only one around
You used to lean on me, the only other choice was falling down
You used to walk with me like we had no where we needed to go
Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought we used to know
At least there's you, and at least there's me
Can we get this back? Can we get this back?
To how it used to be
--

i can so relate to this song now.. but thats not really the point. yawns.. mornin glory~ it's 5.11am and i just got home from supper with sis and amery.

was pretty fun..! had no dinner tonight (oh actually technically last night) cus of work. rahhh is it justifiable to work on a public holiday and most likely being paid the usuals?! lol.. my mom actually wanted me to ask for 1.5x pay.. but its kinda embarrassing. ohwell. it doesnt really matter cus it was quite slack for me. din even have to head a class ytd.. and especially no sec 1 class. lol. well i was happy. hmmm. but so sad i din get to teach p5B!! i wanna see my fav smart kid.. hahaah.

so anw i kinda digressed a lil. zz. hmm. point was we went out for supper at some hong kong dim sum place near ecp.. we ordered quite alot.. it was a spread luh.. siew mai, chee cheong fun (3 different fillings), xiao long bao, ha1 gao2, some tze chuan soup thingy, chicken feet etc.. lol. so yeah.. really late night binging for me.. at around 1++ or 2am. looks at bulging tummy.. *shakes head* shall do sth bout it tmr.. or maybe next time.. haha.

but anw thats not the main part.. the best part was..

*drumrolls*

i took the wheel on some deserted (main) road after that!! HAHA. *SSHHHHHHHHHHHHH* madness luh.. cus amery was like "why not we teach the small one driving once everyone is full..." lol. hilarious. i was darn scared.. actually i wasnt very nervous.. but still, im sure amery and sis felt like they were on a death cab or sth.. lol. so donkz.. plus i suck at easing on the throttle/brakes and turning the wheel. zzz. its really not as simple as it looks! ok fine maybe i dun have the talent for driving.. i think if i ever start on my practical lessons i'd really need the roads to be BLOCKED. haha. cus i kinda drive into oncoming lanes.. *hides face* thank god there were no cars in the wee hours of the mornin.

anw, we were like driving this straight road which actually turns into the main road.. lol. i wasnt prepared for that luh.. zzz. and the first time i really went full pedal on the brake and the car sorta just well.. jerked to a stop violently. haha. oopsay~ din know it was that sensitive. then amery was imitating puke sounds. haha. hilarious.

then we went to this carpark to practise my turning (which really sucks cus i cant quite decide when to brake or accelerate and how much to turn the wheel). this part was hands down the scariest.. cus there were really fierce stray dogs there! and they always choose to come barking after the car right where i wanna turn. zz. amery was going "dont care bout the dogs, just turn.. they'll know how to siam4. or u just bang them lor". lol.. but how to disregard them.. now i know how the fear factor contestants feel when they have dogs running after them. it IS scary. hmmm. shudders.

anw as i was driving i kept panicking when i saw cars approaching me.. lol.. and stupid cyclists should stay off road! even people waiting at the busstops bother me.. i was going.. "ahhh got people". then my sis laughed her head off and said innocent people by the road not knowing what's coming.. gahh..

then second part was just more driving on narrow roads.. a lil scary. esp on roundabouts. yikes.. u guys should try.. and teach me..! cus i cant seem to get it right.

so anw im getting kinda sleepy now. hmmm. in any case, i have decided that i will be more patient towards learner drivers i see everyday on way to work from now on. and not curse at em in my heart for looking like an idiot driving so slowly.. haha. tho i still think that i would not drive at that snail pace when my turn eventually comes. but driving in daylight scares me a lil.. the traffic..! HAHA. madness. ohwell..

hmmm, watch out yilun.. we should go drive together.. i think we'll own the roads. HAHA.

rahh.. tired tired.. adrenaline's kinda gone i guess. mmm. 5.43am alr. time for bed.. yawns.. work again tmr, but thankfully quite slack. *beams*

oh ya before i forget, ANYONE WANNA GO FOR AJCHOIR CONCERT ON 18th MAY? i feel like going but i dun have company. dang, shoulda asked nic a lil earlier.. hmmss. anyone wanna go?